Germans vs. Austrians......Kleenex Is The Winner!

My latest travels were void of a travel partner for the majority of the time. I find that, while sometimes lonesome, solo travel allows you to be more observant about what is happening around you. You notice the small little details of a place that you may not have otherwise picked up on if you were sharing the experience with someone else. At the same time however, you don't have anyone to share your amazing discoveries with when you find them. Oh thank heaven for blogspot....a public place to share details about people's privates...or something like that.....

With that lead in I will share (for the first time ever publicly) what I feel may be an anthropological discovery of mass proportion in which I discovered during my traverse of southern Germany and the country of Austria. While Austria and southern Germany are in fact different in many ways, they share more similarities than they do differences. The language is common (with the exception of regional dialects and accents), the food is Germanic and shares similar root ingredients and the architecture of homes and city buildings share a common influence (to name a few). There is however one distinct difference among the habitants of this land.....the difference; the way in which they clear their nasal cavities.

I was born with a strange defect in which I was unable to blow my nose until the ripe age of 26...it's scientifically referred to as 'sniffalotus' and is only found in 1 in 1 million children born annually. This condition fostered an acute awareness of how people in society blew their nose. It became this fascination where I wondered what it would be like to pass air so freely through my own sinuses. Luckily I grew out of my own debilitating condition, but the acute pinpointing of where fellow man is unleashing a blow has yet to subside.

The Germanic snout lends itself well to a good blow. It typically has a wide nostril and tends to protrude noticeably from the face in a manner that makes it virtually impossible not to notice. Despite the similar shapes of both Austrian and German noses the way in which their handlers unload these foghorns seems to differ distinctly based on political bounds. While equally audible and obnoxious there are distinct differences between the two. Process definitions follow:

German blow - this process begins by the 'handler' placing a receptacle (Kleenex or perhaps dishtowel in extreme cases) in a cupping fashion just below the exit chute (nostril). The palm of the hand is turned up and positioned as an overflow. Air is pushed from the diaphragm in a manner that ungulates the upper body like that of a serpentine. It's a steady push and constant flow as the waste is removed. The audible sound mimics the (un)popular television ads for the throat lozenges Ricola in which lederhosen lads pierce the still of the alpine tundra by blasting 'calls' through alphorns. If you happen to be near one of these outpourings as it happens you will feel a slight change in barometric pressure as the surrounding air is displaced by the force of the push.

Austrian blow - this process begins by a 'handler' placing a receptacle across the bridge of the nose and loosely clamping it in place. The pinky finger and ring finger remain free as the other three fingers apply pressure. Again, air is pumped from the diaphragm and the blow begins. The air is released in short spurts that start and stop in rhythmic fashion as though chanting a secret message of Morse code in dots and dashes. The ring finger flutters violently in perfect unison with the pauses in the air release. It's job; dop up the waste as it's exited.

In either case the actor is relieved and fresh at the completion of the exercise....ready to further tackle their day.