Finland on Badminton

As I sit here bleeding from my left knee with a pulled groin and a blister on the bottom of my right foot, I am thinking about the nightmare that was my last 2 hours. It all started so innocently with my host mother (who is to be viewed as anything but after the beating she just dished out) asking me in her cute little accent if "I was prepared to step in for her husband while he is traveling and play badminton tonight?" Why yes I thought, that would be a blast....have a light dinner, head off to the gym, play for an hour or so, and then home for sauna....a blast it was all right! Two little words I failed to miss when the invitation was extended: ´league play´. The last thing I can remember, which is more than I care to, is the picture of a shuttle cock dribbling over the net at which point I dove from somewhere near the back line with my racket extended making contact as I slid across the floor. What appeared to be a brilliant shot as the birdie soared up in the air and was clearing the net, quickly turned to horror as the opposing women (we will call her Maximus) flew from her perch at center court with the grace of a lion sensing it´s weaker pray, and slammed an overhead whack down upon thee sending the shuttle cock squarely into my person. As I laid there helpless and wounded I thought to myself, "it is of no surprise this country defeated the russian and swedish advances so many times throughout history, those battles were fought with guns and tanks, where as I just about lost my life with a racquet and a 4 inch feathered rubber capped cone."

Tips for (Finnish) badminton:

-Don´t play on league night unless you have travel insurance that will ensure your remains can be transported home without a high cost to your survivors.

-Beware the ´bait shot´. Often times the serves are delicate little lob shots that are tempting to return in a similar fashion. Upon further review, this is simply a bait shot that will result in you losing one, if not both eyes upon your opponents return shot.

-Beware of open wounds in the sauna. It turns out some of the scented oils can burn a bit when applied.

Advantage: Finland