Swedish (full contact) Sport Of Queuing

This afternoon my project partner and I spent a great deal of time working on our current marketing plan for a concept we'll be pitching later this week. It was a productive session and should pave the way for a productive rest of the week. As a treat to myself, to celebrate the work we had done, I decided I would stop by Netto on my way home and pick up some Nordic Cake. These tasty little treats are one of the best discoveries that I've stumbled upon since I landed in Scandinavia. They are basically miniature pies with a buttery crust, sugary mash of an inside, and toasted almonds on top. Yummy!

The grocer that is right near my home is a discount food retailer called Netto. They are a Danish company that specializes in no frills shopping. They carry the basic staples of a Swedish diet, but little else. They are the perfect place to stop in for a jar of tomato sauce or (in my case) a package of Nordic Cake on your way home from campus. Once inside a Netto you are bombarded with randomness. For example, tonight when I walked in the door there was a giant crate of ramen noodles, next to a giant crate of coffee, next to a giant crate of a product called Gloog. No prices on any of it (assuming you wanted to buy any of it). It's yet another thing I've just come to accept about this place. Anyways, I grabbed my Nordic Cake and a package of potato hash for the morning and made my way to the checkout. Here is the best part of a trip to Netto. The queue.....

Swedes refer to any line (of people) as a queue. Anyone who is in a queue is referred to as queuing. Anyone that queues competitively is locking horns in the Swedish sport of queuing. And last, but not least, is the famous Swedish dance, the queue shuffle. An evening trip to Netto and you may get to see all of it at once. Tonight was one of those nights....

With my two items in hand I took my place at the far end of the lengthy queue. There was a lone checker working at the only open kasa. The line of people in front of me was a bit anxious and I could tell this was no normal queue. I anticipated an additional kasa opening any minute. I wasn't alone in my hunch. An older lady with a small cart came up along side me. She had a look in her eye that indicated she wasn't just interested in the shampoo and the Fisherman's Friend throat lozenges that were shelved to my side. I could feel her cart slowly angle in towards me. I'd seen this move before....she was creating a block so that when the next available cashier opened her kasa I (along with everyone else behind me) would be trapped. She wasn't technically violating any of the countries long upheld queue laws as she wasn't cutting in line, she was simply 'shopping' near a potential queue that may open.... Sure enough, out of the rear emerged an additional cashier. Kasa number two was open for customers! The queue erupted into a full fledged Swedish queue shuffle dance. Men, woman, children, all of them shuffled to an imaginary beat as they reorganized themselves into now 2 lines. The lady in front of me swung her cart wildly....taking out an entire rack of pastries as she roared her head back exposing her aged fangs still dripping lingonberries from the meatballs she slayed at lunch. A small child tried to make a move ahead of her....he was no match...simply a road bump in the process. I dove for cover behind a perceived respite of toilet paper and counter top scrubs. It was no use....I had already sustained material damage. As I lied motionless near the candy aisle I weighed my options. I knew it was unlikely that I'd ever walk again....that I was ok with. However, my fear was that if I popped smoke and signaled the rescue choppers she'd discover my location, and finish the job with the toilet brush she just bought. I knew I needed help....time was running out.......

I guess I must have blacked out after that. The next thing I knew I was in my corridor kitchen enjoying a tasty meal of spaghetti and meatballs. I had a warm mug of tea on the table right next to an unopened package of Nordic Cake. Looks like heaven shined favorably on me tonight. Que'ers beware....that lady is still out there somewhere...you never know when she'll show up in a queue near you!