Finland on Loving Thy Neighbor

For those of you that don´t know Finland shares it border with several countries. It´s neighbor to the east is Russia, it´s neighbor to the west is Sweden. Let´s examine this love hate hate love hate me love me like you mean it hate thing they got going on here.

Russia: Complicated, but simple at the same time. So, Finland and Russia really don´t like each other. There is no doubt about that....google ´Russia/Finaland Winter War 1940´or ´Chernobyl melt down that sent a cloud of acid rain and cancer causing shit to southern Finland´ and you will get a basic understanding of two of the 200 issues these countries have with each other. At the same time, google ´trade exports Finalnd to Russia´or ´business opportunity Russia´and you will see why there is an immense need for Finns to stand tall and smile for the shear opportunity to take advantage of their neighbors recent prosperity that is a result of the global gluttony of oil and natural resources that Russia has. Solution to this problem....Finland needs an influx of non-Finns (to eliminate the personal issues), that have a negative history with Russia (to ensure their like interests are protected), that speak Russian (obvious reasons), that are business savy, that need a job because they may or may not have just graduated college.....who could that be....I know, Ukrainians. Let the migration begin! Oh, and take some of borsh with you, Finland makes a similar soup but it doesn´t have nearly the flavor.

Sweden: The on-going joke around Finland is that the shortest book in history is the book of Swedish war heros. That always grabs a chuckle from the masses, here's why. It turns out Sweden is your classic passive aggressive personality. If Sweden was a person it would be me. Here´s how the story goes. Sweden managed to stay out of that whole world war II situation while profiting from the whole thing at the same time. Smart? I could argue. Sweden helped supply Germany with many of the things they needed to wage their battles across Europe. Raw materials, transportation routes into Finland, blonde hockey stars, etc. At the same time Sweden said ´what´s up?´with a dumbfounded look of confussion on their face followed by long awkward stares in silence when asked who they were aligned with in the war....therefore no formal occupation of their country ever happened, and they were able to make a Bush/Chaney type return during the war years. When it came to Russia and the fear that the iron curtain of communisim would rain down upon Sweden like slap shots from Sergi Federov (russian hockey legened) well, Sweden punted to Finland to take care of that whole thing. Turns out Finland didn´t really feel like letting Russia take over their country so they basically defended Sweden indirectly (oh yeah, and did I mention that Finland bought a whole bunch of stuff from Sweden while they were waging this battle with Russia, which essentially fueled Sweden´s economy during that time?). Fast forward a generation or two and let´s take a look at present day issues. Sweden vs. Finalnd 2006 men´s Olympic hockey championship game. Sweden wins 3-2 on a third period goal scored by Nicklas Lidstom, assist Peter Forsberg. Women´s side, Sweden finishes with the silver and Finland is ousted by the US in the bronze medal game to finish out of the money after coming in as a favorite to beat Sweden in the championships. Add insult to injury, Finnish people are apparently apauled at the fact that their country doesn´t have any cool sterotypes associated with it and Sweden does...everyone knows that Sweden is known for it´s blue eyed, blonde haired, nordic gods/goddesses. Ask anyone what they think of when they think of Finland and the response will be laplanders, who are basically elves with pointy shoes and raindeer that live at the north pole. So, it is my offering for the rest of the trip to start some sort of sterotype for the Finnish people upon my arrival state side. I figure who better to start spreading such a thing than myself who single handedly introduced society to ´knucks´, the revival of corduroy pants, and the DVD red book invention that was stolen by the evil golden arches.