Send Jim Alderden Out To Pasture

For a long time our counties sheriff, gun slinger Jim Alderden, has been able to convince our citizens that his rough rider BB gun policies are not only effective in the management of the wild west but are conducive to the propagation of a progressive society we hope to build along the front range. So convincing in fact that in November of 2005 'we' actually voted in an amendment that allowed this asshole a run at a third term (with that same amendment we got to keep Rennels on board for another term which is the ONLY positive out of that decision....see, I'm not so partisan after all am I).

Let's reflect on Jimmy's latest crowning achievement.....bicycle law enforcement. Apparently riding two abreast is not only a social no-no on the ole 10 speed, but now is punishable by fine, imprisonment, or decapitation. I thought in our evolution we would have delegated enforcement of this type of criminal mischief to the likes of junior high hall monitors and for hire PI's with bad tans and uncomfortably short shorts. It turns out that it actually falls under the umbrella of our sheriff's office (and is subsequently funded by our tax dollars).

When Jim was running for his latest appointment his platform was 'expansion of the jail and alternative sentencing program'. I wondered at the time where they would find more inmates to fill these requested beds. I guess I know now.

Citizens of Larimer County (and visitors from abroad) you've been warned! Our gun-slinging, straight shooting, sheriff is ready and armed to enforce bicycle laws on our open roads. If you're even thinking of wearing spandex, helmets, and neon clothing and hitting the open roads of Larimer county it's our sheriff's (and his Barney's) advice to not let sundown catch you in this town. Think I'm joking....Bull's Eye.

What's the nexus here....well, I'll put this into a context Jim can understand. When horses get old and decrepit, unable to do work and out of touch with the times, they're sent out to pasture to live out their dying days. Eventually they pass and they either get hauled to the edge of the property with a front end loader or shipped off to the 'factory' and turned into dog food and glue. Get the jist.....